Here Comes Honey Boo Boo – A Bunch of Wedgies

 Well, we start the episode where we last left off.  The family is at the hospital, and it appears that Chickadee won’t be having the baby tonight.  She is sent home on strict bed rest orders, and I am glad that both Chickadee and baby Kaitlyn are safe.  Honey Boo Boo is sad she doesn’t get to be an Aunt yet, but Chubbs was happy that she didn’t give birth.  Apparently, if she would have, the baby would have been born in Chubbs’ bed, and she wasn’t going to have any of that.  She said she would have started pushing that baby back in!

            The next day, Alana started having second thoughts about Kaitlyn.  She doesn’t want the baby to start pooping and stinking up the house.  From the looks of things, I would a assume that some steaming Pampers might make the house smell a little bit better than it already does!  Honey Boo Boo then gives her take on last night’s events.  She said that Anna’s stomach was hurting, but she didn’t understand the big deal.  When her stomach hurts it’s usually because she has gas or she ate too many chicken nuggets.  Mama yells at Chickadee from the other room telling her that the baby needs to do some more bakin', before it comes out of the biscuit.  Well, Honey Boo Boo confuses bakin’ for bacon, and now she is really confused about where babies come from.  Too many food analogies.

Only 1.6 pounds? Say whaaaa?

            Well, summer is coming to a close, and it means two things.  One the Rock Star Pageant is coming up, and two, the family has their last weigh in.  They bust out the old scale, and from the looks of the thick layer of dust, I don’t think anyone has been using it as often as they should.  Pumpkin has been vocal about not trying to lose any weight, and she actually set herself a goal of gaining weight.  She started off the summer by weighing 164 pounds.  Well, she got her wish as she now weighs 172.4.  Mama makes the comment that she has gained 6 pounds!   I guess they should have had a learning mental math goal this summer too as that is obviously an 8-pound increase.  Chickadee proclaims that she is more proud of her weight gain than her recently acquired butt hole piercing.  She sure sets the standards high for the typical, southern teen!  Chubbs, who I will now start referring to as Jessica, really wanted to lose some vajiggle this summer.  She only lost 3 pounds overall, but if she keeps working at it, she can accomplish her weight loss goals.  Now, it’s Mama’s turn to step on the scale, and she lost 1.6 pounds.  She says it’s a great start to her weight loss goals.  Obviously she wasn’t passing gas as often as she should have been all summer. 

            As a reward for their weight loss efforts, Mama takes them to the local water park to enjoy some of the last days of the summer.  They have never been to a water park, and they should liven that place up!  As an aside (and a shout out to my cousin, Katie), I would like to point out that there are people dying of thirst in the world, and here we are just splashing in thousands of gallons of water.  Honey Boo Boo’s main concern is that she will have to see some wedgies.  However, she is confident that there is going to be some vajiggle jaggle hanging out from the various park goers.  She may be six, but she sure is aware!  The first try out the park’s lazy river, and Pumpkin says it’s the perfect ride for the fat people.  They all had fun, but Mama had to get help from Pumpkin and Jess as she was stuck in her life ring.  She does brave one of the water slides, and I don’t think I have seen her laugh so hard!  She deserves some fun after a life filled of couponing and pageantry. 

You can't see it, but there are gnats swarming her toe

            I know that I joked about TLC having a big unveiling party for Mama’s forklift foot, but I was shocked to see her wearing socks at the water park.  She says she that no matter what she does, she is always wearing socks.  After enough begging, she finally takes off her socks to show her foot that was run over in the warehouse.  Feet aren’t the most beautiful things in the world, so I wasn’t expecting to see anything too traumatic.  Boy was I wrong!  It not enough that it looks abnormally swollen and discolored, but it even has lots of gnats swarming it, and it looks really infected! 

With that, they family pack up and head home back home to prep for the pageant.  Honey Boo Boo needs her spray tan, and since the family is on a budget, Mama decides to tan Alana herself.  According to Alan though, it’s really just poop and a can, and it runs down all over the place.  I think the tan would work better if she weren’t sun burned on the face and arms.  I guess she didn’t wear enough sunscreen at the water park. They then pack up the truck in order to travel to the Rock Star Pageant.  They said this is a practice pageant for an even bigger one that is coming up in two weeks.  Honey Boo Boo tries on her new dress, and apparently, they didn’t make it small enough because as she started to do a practice walk, the entire bottom falls off.  Let’s hope the real event goes better!  Sugar Bear says he loves the pageants because he likes seeing Alana on stage and performing.  Now, that’s a great dad!  It looks like some stiff competition this year including some boy.  He better not win just because he is the only dude there.  She looks so different when she is performing, and Honey Boo Boo calls out her mom for being too vocal when she is on stage.  The Elvis outfit fits more comfortable than the glitz dress, and she is excited to show off her Rock Star moves.  She remembers her all of her moves, and she was so happy afterward!  So happy that after dismissal, she runs off stage screaming, “I’m done!”  Maybe that’s a sign that she shouldn’t be doing this for much longer.  All of her hard work paid off, as she won Queen in her division.  I don’t know what this means, but her trophy wasn’t as big as one of the other contestants.  She was in the running for Rock Star Grand Supreme, but she lost out to another contestant.  The judges say that she needs to focus more on eye contact with the judges and less contact with Mama.  Honey Boo Boo was right!  Mama can be so distracting, and possibly lost her the Supreme Title.