Keeping Up With The Kardashians – Tales From the Kardashian Krypt

Of the 9 total votes that were cast in my poll, I have come to realize that I need more followers!  In order to do that, I will give my readers what they want.  I will more than likely blog about all of the shows, but I have to start with KUWTK, as it’s the only show currently on TV.  I have to give a shout out to my blogger friend Emily, as I believe she voted for this show twice (it only received two votes).

            For all of those who have been living under a rock for the past few years, let me catch you up on what’s been happening with this crazy family.  Kris Jenner was married to Robert Kardashian who was one of OJ Simpson’s lawyers.  They had “four” kids, the show hints that Robert is not Khloe’s father (I don’t believe this), and he passed away due to cancer.  Kris remarried Bruce Jenner, the 1976 gold medal Olympian, and they have two kids together.   A few years back, Kim “leaked” a sex tape, and it’s around then when they get approached for their own TV show.  Kris sees the true money making potential her family has, and she starts her momager empire by “pimping” out everyone’s lives for the world to see.  This family has survived weddings, spin offs, divorces, births, tabloid controversies, and anything else you can imagine. 

            Kim and Khloe are worried that Mason, their nephew, is going to be neglected once Kourtney has her new baby.  They decide to get him a gift in order to help ease the transition of a new sibling.  They each buy him small goldfish, and he names them Fruity and Pebbles.  Of course, within a few days, one of the fish dies.  Kourtney disliked the idea of pets, for this very reason, as she had a traumatic experience with her dog when she was younger.  I agree with her as I do not want, need or see the positive side of owning a pet.  RIP Pebbles!  However, to avoid upsetting Mason, they take a picture before they flush in order to try to find a new fish as his/her replacement.

This is not the exact tank, but you get the point

            Kourtney does it right this time by getting an entire aquarium set for these new fish.  In true Kardashian fashion, they struggled to put it together, but in the end they seemed to get it set up (probably with the help of the producers).  Even though they controlled the food and water temperature, Pebbles II bit the dust (RIP Pebbles II)!  Bruce gives Kourtney a gift about dog heaven in order to help her prepare Mason for the eventual deaths of all the other goldfish in his life.

            After Kris and her daughters went to go visit her mom last week, Kris has been obsessed about how the family is going to prosper in the afterlife.  Her mom says that she should invest in a burial plot to fit her whole family.  As always, I believe that Kris has worked this all out with the crypt keeper to provide free burial plots.  Only she would be worried about their publicity after they are dead.  Kris seeks Bruce’s advice on this idea, and of course Bruce doesn’t like this idea.  Just because his face looks like death run over, he still have many years to live!

            Kris calls a family meeting and invites everyone including the camera crew.  This family can’t take their mom seriously, and they think, with good reason, that she is trying to make money off of their deaths.  Seriously, this lady would do anything for another 10%!  Did I mention she gets a 10% cut from each of the following members?

Bruce

Kim

Kourtney

Khloe

Rob

Kendall

I give it another year or two before she tries to get Kylie into modeling or something else just like her sister.  I do believe she truly loves her kids, but she also loves 10% per head!  This doesn’t include all of the money she gets for her endorsements!  I think I am just jealous…

            I will admit, I am a little like Kris in the fact once I start focusing on something, I won’t let it go until I see it to fruition…. i.e. this blog.  Kris meets with a designer and sales person who convinces her to go with the family mausoleum.  She decides to put some Armenian and Olympian flare to the family burial plot.  Poor Bruce just gets emasculated as Kris wants to be the head of the family, and she wants to be above ground and above everyone else.  Kris and Kim take this arduous task with the same voracity as planning a fab party for 100. 

            Now that they have their own mausoleum picked out, Kris needs to accessorize with the perfect, customized casket.  Can you choose the perfect accessory without trying it on?  Of course not!  Kris gets in the coffin, and looks a little too comfortable there.  Her perfect choice is a casket that resembles a baby grand piano.  I guarantee this casket would cost over $30,000, and that stresses me out the most.  I am all about telling your loved ones how you would like to be remembered after you pass, but with the mausoleum, the casket, the burial plans, but the flower arrangements are just too much on top of everything else.  Khloe and Rob confront their mom about the uncomfortable situation they have now been exposed.  Tears were shed, apologies were made, and a nice resolution was presented.  Thus, this is how all episodes end.